Monday January 10, 2019 21:01

Dear Diary,

Initially, this began as any another Dear Diary journal entry, until I realized I wanted to talk about something bigger: limitations, realizations, and the biggest F word of them all — FAILURE.

I don’t remember when, but recently my roommate showed me a Tweet where someone asked, “What would you do if you had no limitations?” Immediately, I began to think of bigger things like I’d get my dream home, I’d financially support my entire family, I’d get myself a nice car… but then I thought of all the other things I hadn’t done yet that, upon further reflection, I realized I could EASILY DO. In fact, I could do them all in a matter of hours, perhaps even days.

I wanted to update my website, learn French, take more photos — then do these things consistently. My website took two complete days to make, but it was definitely worth all the headaches and it’s such a breeze to maintain. I practice Duolingo from 5-15 minutes once a day to several times a day. Finally, I stopped worrying about wanting to take photos every day, and instead focus on how to improve my set design, my outfits, my makeup, and technique. While it is a work in progress, this taught me a very valuable lesson: it’s important to consider and understand that oftentimes, our biggest adversary really is ourselves. It does take a bit of practice and constant motivation to get over these mental roadblocks, but getting organized and accomplishing your goals feels so good.

This brings me to my next point — failure. Initially, I proposed writing this 365 diary plan and publish it online for accountability purposes. That, of course, was before I left Laredo. In other words, that goal was set during a time that I wasn’t working, I wasn’t commuting or walking without wifi access, and I didn’t have to cook or clean.

Discipline has never been my forte. I applaud all the hustlers out there, but my ambition was soon unsustainable. While my Virgo moon gets a massive boner for all things related to organization, structure, and building habits, my Aquarius sun and Sag rising energies that love spontaneity and have a problem with authority (even if it is my own) are constantly battling for supremacy. As a compromise, I’ve decided to focus my energies to produce weekly journal entries. Perhaps more, perhaps less.

I’ll have to decide as I go. Absoluuuutely nothing makes me happier than inspired action. I mentioned reading Ask and it is Given by Esther and Jerry Hicks, which I’m soooo excited to talk more about it soon. Nevertheless, I’d like to share a quote that I haven’t stopped thinking about since yesterday night when I first read it: “The basis of life is freedom, and the result of life is expansion — but the purpose of your life is joy.” (Hicks, 2000, p. 103)

In other words, through your freedom of choice, you make decisions in life based on your understanding of cause and effect and risk management assessments. These decisions all lead to your overall growth — mental, spiritual, emotional, physical. You learn to bring a warmer jacket when it’s cooler outside. You learn to communicate better to avoid confrontation. Freedom causes expansion… but are you living for joy? Your freedom, your choices, your expansion… do they make you happy? Do you make you happy?

More on this later ❤

Peace and love,


Things I’m grateful for: 

1 – FAMILY FAMILY FAMILY. I’m grateful for their health, for their love, for their presence. Going from a household with 10 people to an apartment where I’m alone most of the time is still so difficult to get used to.

2 – Discovering my truths, enjoying my journey. Building a strong support system not just of friends and family, but teachers and mentors.

3 – Having the time to read books again, and falling in love with learning again. Soooo underrated.

4 – THANK GOD FOR PODCASTS. THANK GOD FOR OPRAH. Everyone needs to listen to her “SuperSoul Conversations” and her “Master Class”

5 – The Great British Baking Show and nature documentaries on Netflix.

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